Wed Apr 11, 2007
Party invite
A small drinky thingy for a select few to celebrate 30-ness for Matthew David Abecrombie Price and me.
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Thu Mar 15, 2007
text for a noir vj show
I was there to write a news story on Leeroy Lefty McGill. Infamous gangland killer.
I ended up staring at his defence lawyer.
She represented them all - Lefty, Two-Tone, Danger Derek, Rail con Jon. And got every rat bastard acquitted.
She got me between the eyes like a deadeye hangover.
And I wan't alone.
Hell - she might as well had the gavel in her hand.
I got lost in her inner thighs and outer lies.
I told her about my ex-wife and the fortune I was contesting.
She told me about a plan.
One shot and it would all be over she said. Lefty would get rid of the gun. She'd fix the will so I'd get the loot.
And if anything went wrong, she'd work her courtroom magic.
I lined up the shot.
She lined up the cops.
I realised then she did divorce law too.
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Tue Feb 13, 2007
Becoming a VJ - kitting yourself out (computer)
So, you're going to take the plunge and VJ up. What do you need?
Every second wanker in the world will tell you need a mac book pro, and a projector that runs on your own smug sense of industrial design.
You don't need either.
Now I'm not bagging macs - I love them with a passion. No, I'm bagging mac owners who thing they have the monopoly on art and creativity. They don't, and anyone who thinks so needs to be shot. At dawn. In the minge.
Nope, you don't need a mac, but you do need a beastie of a machine.
Most VJs use laptops. I didn't for my first two gigs - lots of carrying. however I'm glad I used a desktop.
Why?
Because the cardinal rule of VJing is: DON'T buy a heap of expensive crap if you don't have to. The first extension of this rule is that if you find yourself not wanting to be a VJ after all, is best you don't spend a dime in the first place.
So, you've got a rig or a lappy. It'll need:
An external monitor out
Preferably an S video out - you'll need this to hook up all the analogue shit you've got up to it.
At least a gig of ram
A half decent video card
At 3000 or equivalent chip - preferably dual core
Multithreading to taste.
Oh, and if you're getting a lappy, get a 7200 speed drive.
Next I'll take you through software.
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Wed Feb 07, 2007
How to be a vj part 1
So you wanna be a VJ do you? Really? You don't... No, really? You sure? Well OK.
Here are the three commandments of VJing. Actually their more like three truths - without the smiting.
1. VJing is not a career path. Hell, DJing iis not a career path. Putting pictures on screen while people dance about (no mattter what the underlying ethno-socio-political message is) is not going to earn you a quid, unless you are very lucky, very good and very hard working.
I am none of these and so am bitter about the notion that anyone else could be.
2. VJing is not a valid option for people who like electro music, but don't own a record collection or know a 4/4 beat.
3. No matter how much love everyone on the floor and behind the decks give you, remember: you are the lowetst form of life at the gig. Expect to get the crappiest table, the dodgiest connection, the fewest drink cards and the most sneers from the warm up acts.
Some people are ace, as are some places. I turn down most VJing gigs that don't have at least one of these things going for them, but the fact is that unless you've got mates along, people aren't there to see you. They are generally there to:
Get drunk
Get a shag
Listen to the DJ
Dance
The order they do it in really depends on the person they are.
So, what do you take from all this?
Help them. Not with the leg-over obviously. Or with the drinks.
You're there largely to complement the music, and to get the crowd going. you're the hype man gad dammit.
The best way to start doing that is to stop thinking of yourself as a beautiful artiste, and more as an entertainer who works with light and art.
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Mon Nov 27, 2006
Contactsite
Eventually I'll feel codey enough to put my contact details on the fucking site. Until then here one is. Like a bastard, you need to sign up before you contact me. I shall now leave this joke of a web presence dilapidated for another month. Just watch me.
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Sat Sep 16, 2006
Another vid
Did this vid as part of a series I'm doing at Horse Bazaar. Another one's on this wednesday. More...
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Sat Jul 29, 2006
A video
Here's a video I did with Koshowko. I gotta say, I love green screen. More...
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Mon Jul 24, 2006
What I did on my holidays
Don't know about you, but it shits me to tears recounting your holiday adventures. You end up sounding like some form of bastard stand up comedian with overused material. You also feel like a bit of a c--t for having a good time while evry other bastard is stuck in Melbourne. That having been said...
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My VJ Bio
So, I thought I'd write a music bio. I've written them for other folk, I figured I might as well write one for myself. It's bloody difficult: you have to straddle the fine line between self deprication and alluding to your own ego size. I think I may have done ok though. Click through. More...
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